How Do They Survive At Google??


Most Frequent Complaints Of Google Employees

Everybody knows that Google is the world’s greatest employer but worrying stories escaping from the company suggest that all is not really as it seems. A company once thought of as the nirvana of all work places is now having to prepare itself for some real questions into its work practices.

1. Location: For some setting off to work each morning into the peaceful countryside, where this particular employee is based, would seem idyllic, but how are you supposed to feel when your “over-sized, state of the art monitor obstructs the view of the mountains through the room length windows?” Obviously this kind of work environment constitutes some cruel and unnecessary kind of punishment and it does make you wonder how those poor dears can actually bring themselves to roller-blade into work each morning when that is what they are faced with when they sit down to work at 10am!

2. Physical Scarring: Everybody has a right to go into work and leave that place in exactly the same physical condition in the evening as they were in the morning. Google seems to think that isn’t the case. One employee, who I believe is now on sick leave because of the trauma, reported that the complimentary massage that she received three times a week at work was leaving her with fine lines on her face where the silk pillow had left a slight indentation. How anyone could think this acceptable is beyond me. An internal enquiry won’t cut it, surely the outside authorities should be investigating this outrage

3. Neglect of Key Life Skills: One of the patterns that becomes clear when you look into these complaints is the way that Google seem to be pretending to be kind simply as a means to undermine the life skills of their employees. One young man is said to have suffered a nervous breakdown in the kitchen of his own home. The cause of this fact rests firmly at the feet of Mr Page and Mr Brin as it was their thoughtless offering of free meals to staff that left this poor soul in a state where he was eating at Google everyday of the working week. The savings he made on his salary as a consequence of this saw him then eat out in only fine restaurants when not at work. All was well and good until he found himself in the alien environment of his own kitchen where he quite naturally became disorientated and subsequently went into work naked, claiming he was the second coming, the light, and the way.

4. Unfair Mental Demands: Google does not think that it is enough that their staff have to live with the pressure that goes along with working for such a prestigious company, they also deem it necessary to torture them once in the office. At least four people in one West Coast HQ have had to go into stress counselling after being taunted daily by the fact that their work station was equidistant from two chill out and kitchen areas. It is probably not a surprise for the readers to hear that those martyrs who were faced with this dilemma were left completely incapable of any movement at all. It was only after their colleagues arranged for a special visit and talk from David Hasselhoff, a man who is well-known for his chartable work, that the emotionally and existentially ravaged staff members were able to leave the confines of the building.

Now that the fear has been surpassed and the real stories about life in Google have started to appear, it is surely not long before some kind of serious action is taken. It can only be hoped that the rumour that President Obama is setting up a task force to deal with these outrageous claims is true.

God bless, you brave soldiers of Google, the world is with you.